


Trust

by metaphoricallylivin



Series: Earth 25: Oh, Yeah I'm An Ugly Mess [5]
Category: DCU
Genre: Autistic Character, Gen, Past Abuse, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-31 13:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphoricallylivin/pseuds/metaphoricallylivin
Summary: Selina Kyle always took a shining to Jason Todd, she took one to Toby too.





	1. I'm A Loser, A Disgrace

**Author's Note:**

> Toby was abused by his father as a result he is hypersexual and often has trouble with his own sexuality. This fic deals with that and him getting therapy also him finally dealing with his abuse. The events in this fic ultimately lead to his decision to become a vigilante. Warning for discussion of cosca (in this case it was an almost 18 yo with a 14 yo.)

Toby met Selina Kyle when he was 13 years old. She seemed to want to take care of Jason, the same way Jason took care of Toby. She would sometimes come over, into the warehouse and she'd bring them food she'd made herself. She would bring cats with her too and Toby loved sitting with the cat and playing with it.

 

When he was 14 she brought someone with her, a woman named Harley who seemed to make Jason tense up as he quickly left the room.

 

“Jason wants you to get therapy after the stuff with Will,” Selina said.

 

“Will didn't do anything to me. I'm fine,” Toby said.

 

Selina sighed and looked down at Toby, he was playing with the cat and it seemed to like him as it was making soft purring noises.

 

“Just… talk with Harley, she's a psychiatrist. She'll help,” Selina said.

 

Toby looked at her as defiantly as he could muster before making an unhappy noise and turning to Harley.

 

“So you want me to talk to you. And Jason is gonna pay you?” Toby said.

 

Harley nodded and Toby crossed his arms, his whole body language was defiant and it was clear that he didn't quite want to talk. Nonetheless he didn't leave. She'd looked up the GCPD file on him and he was a chronic runaway, every time he would eventually get taken back home.It had stopped when his sister was born so when his father was killed everyone assumed the kid had run away from home. His sister was then adopted by Dick Grayson and now her life was happy. She'd met the girl at a gala and she was adorable.

 

Selina decided to leave and go spar with Jason, she figured she could teach him a few things. Maybe he could even teach her something.

 

* * *

 

“You're Harley Quinn,” Toby said. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, but he could still see the multi colored dye.

 

“Yes,” She said.

 

“Then why are you giving me therapy? Shouldn't you be out like… I don't know stealing from rich people? Being a villain?” Toby didn't quite know what villains did, but he was pretty sure it wasn't giving therapy to children.

 

“Because I owe Jason, I did something bad and this is how I'm helping to make it up to him,” Harley said.

 

“You mean you helped the Joker kill him,” Toby said.

 

Harley nodded and Toby went back to petting the cat. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

 

“Can you tell me about yourself?” Harley asked.

 

“I like the color red and I'm 14. My father was an abusive piece of shit. Jason adopted me, he's training me,” Toby said, his voice was matter of fact.

 

“Do you blame yourself for your father abusing you?” Harley asked.

 

“No, it wasn't my fault,” Toby said.

 

“Why'd you have sex with a guy who was 17?” Harley asked.

 

“I wasn't getting hurt, we both had a say and I said yes. Everyone has sex, it's just what people do,” Toby said.

 

“How did you meet?” Harley asked, she'd been writing on the paper the whole time, everything Toby said she wrote down.

 

“He worked at the comic book store I like. He flirted with me and I liked the attention. I mean… someone saying that they like you is always nice? Plus he said I was mature for my age,” Toby said. Will had made Toby feel like he wasn't broken, that there were parts of him worth loving and he liked that.

 

The rest of the session continued on a similar line of questioning, why Toby did the things he did. It took a couple sessions before Toby started to act like himself around Harley instead of a guarded version of himself. On the 10th session she introduced Toby to the idea of revictimization. That people who were hurt before are more likely to be hurt again, that they sometimes want what hurt them as a form of self harm. She said maybe that was why Toby let himself have sex with an older guy, because he wanted to feel in control. Toby laughed at her theory.

 

* * *

 

“Why do you care so much about me?” Toby asked Jason, he'd just gotten home from patrols.

 

“Because I don't like people who hurt kids,” Jason said.

 

“There’s thousands of kids in Gotham, why me?” Toby asked.

 

“Because you reminded me of myself,” Jason said.

 

“So you wanted to save me because if you can save me, you've saved yourself,” Toby scrutinized Jason’s every move.

 

“It's not like that, I don't see you as an extension of myself,” Jason said.

 

“Then how do you see me? An experiment in getting it right? Someone to experiment on? Why do you care so fucking much when I'm so fucked up?” Toby asked, tears were welling up in his eyes and god, he didn't want to angry cry.

 

“No, god. I don't know! Toby, remember when you offered to have sex with me, when we first met? I did the same thing to Bruce. You just… reminded me of myself,” Jason said.

 

“I'm not you,” Toby said. 

 

He then stormed off before reappearing 10 minutes later. He had his backpack thrown over his shoulder and he was wearing a leather jacket.

 

“I'm going to Selina’s. Don't bother her, I don't plan on dying,” Toby said before opening the door and walking out, slamming it as hard as he could.

 

Jason slumped to the floor and cried. Maybe he couldn't save Toby, maybe the kid was going to turn out like him, a fucked up vigilante who kills mob bosses. Maybe in a couple years he'd be dead and Jason would have moved on. Part of him was scared he was becoming Bruce, that he would only fuck Toby up more.

 

Toby wasn't back the next morning.

 

* * *

 

“I want you to train me,” Toby said, he had dropped his bag onto one of the couches in Selina’s apartment. “Teach me how to scale buildings and stuff.”

 

“Why?” Selina asked.

 

“Because I want to fight crime. I want to make myself stronger,” Toby gestured wildly and eventually Selina nodded.

 

Toby needed control and if she could provide him with some through teaching him how to use his body, maybe it was for the better. When she'd asked he’d said he needed to be away from Jason and she understood wanting your own space. She wasn't yet sure if it would help.

  
When Jason called her and asked what they were doing she said that Toby was fine. He wanted training and she could provide him with that. She'd taken the same liking to him that she had taken to Jason. She was pretty sure it was something about the fact that they'd been hurt and broken and they wanted to forge themselves into something better. She could respect that.


	2. How'd I Ever Get So Off My Rocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selina teaches Toby about how to be a vigilante. Sometimes the best teacher on heroics is an anti-hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter includes a panic attack/autistic meltdown. It also references abuse and deals with the aftermath.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Reaper Man by Mother Mother.

Selina’s first lesson for Toby was how to climb. He scoffed, saying he already knew how, that he could climb as well as anyone else. Selina raised an eyebrow. They were standing in front of a pretty easy building, at least in her opinion.

 

“Can you climb a building?” she asked, she raised an eyebrow, almost asking for Toby to say yes even though he probably couldn’t.

 

“No,” Toby said.

 

“Okay then listen to what I’m saying. Scan for any footholds,” Selina said. She watched as Toby looked over the building, quickly identifying the drainage pipe. “Now make a path to the roof. Follow the safest one, taking unnecessary risks gets you killed.”

 

Toby grabbed the pipe and raised himself up. He planted his foot into the crevice created by the bricks and used it to raise himself higher. 

 

Toby doesn’t move when Selina called his name. He tried to raise himself over the ledge and his hold faltered slightly, but he quickly regained it. Trying a bit harder he was able to get over it and onto the roof. He smiled slightly and looked down at Selina.

 

“Now, get down,” Selina said and Toby’s face fell.

 

* * *

 

Toby liked when Selina trained him, he liked the feeling of control and the rush of power he got whenever he landed a punch or completed a task. Selina helped him too, she trusted him with the cats and taught him how to fight better. She helped him learn how to stand on his own feet, how to trust himself.

 

Three months had passed by the time that Toby learned how fight like her. She offered him a spot on a reconnaissance mission, pretending to be her son.

 

“It's a gala, kids your age will be there. It will be a good way to practice gathering intel,” Selina said.

 

“Sounds good, what’s my job?” Toby asked. 

 

“I want you to find out as much as possible about everyone without blowing your cover,” Selina said.

 

Toby crossed his arms over his chest and waited for further instruction. It didn't come.

 

“We need to buy you a suit,” Selina said.

 

“Why?” Toby asked.

 

“It's a gala, you want to blend in right?” Selina asked. Toby paused to consider her words before nodding.

 

Selina bought him a suit from a store that made Toby feel slightly uncomfortable. Everything was so expensive and he worried over ruining something. Selina took care in matching Toby’s suit and tie to her dress. Her hair was bouncing in curls as she talked to the seamstress. The final suit was black with a crisp white shirt and a gold tie. The fabric was itchy against his skin, but he didn't say anything because whenever his father had dressed him up for work functions and he'd complained he'd be locked in the closet. He'd rather suffer through a couple hours of itchy fabric than being locked into a too small room in the dark.

 

When they left Toby chewed on his necklace, Cass had gotten it for him. It had her symbol in black and it was small enough to slip under his shirt, but could still stand up. He needed to get the feeling of the fabric off of him.

 

“When you're talking to people you nod,” Selina said. “Try to be nice.”

 

“So they'll tell you more information?” Toby asked.

 

“Yes, also so that they're comfortable around you,” Selina said.

 

“I can do that,” Toby was silently taking note of everything she said, he wanted to be the best he could be. Better than Jason.

 

* * *

 

The gala bored Toby to death. He was supposed to pretend to be Selina’s son and he'd found that all of the kids at the gala were insanely boring. All he'd found out was that a boy named Kaiden was upset that his father wouldn't buy him a new iPhone. The other kids weren't more interesting, all of their problems somehow boiled down to not having something.

 

His arms itched from the suit and slowly he started scratching. He kept scratching until he noticed there was a giant red spot spreading over the sleeve. Toby spotted Selina across the room, she was schmoozing some old dude, he had time to get the blood out.

  
  


It took Selina a half an hour to realize she hadn't seen Toby in a while. She texted him asking where he was. 10 minutes later she hadn't gotten a response and she was worried. She excused herself from the man she was talking with and went looking for him. She found Toby in a supply closet. He was crying and blood was oozing from his skin in more than one place.

 

“Toby, are you okay?” she asked. No response other than another sob and him digging his nails deeper into his scalp.

 

She remembered that when Jason was a kid and he'd get overwhelmed he'd do the same thing, pick at his skin, often until it bled. Bruce had never been able to break him of the habit.

 

“Can I bandage you up?” she asked, reaching towards Toby’s arm.

 

Toby pulled his arm back and he sobbed.

 

“I'm not going to hurt you. Can I help you?” Selina asked, she made a point not to touch him and waited until he moved for her to help.

 

She took an alcohol pad out of the small first aid kit in her purse. She wiped away the blood, decontaminating his wound. It bled sluggishly so she used a large bandaid to cover it. She reached for his fingers and detangled them from his hair.

 

“Do you want to go home?” Selina asked.

 

Toby nodded and moved to wipe away his tears. His sobs were quieting into hiccups. He placed his hand onto the ground and moved himself up.

 

“I stained the shirt,” Toby said. “I couldn't get the blood out, please don't hurt me.”

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Selina said.

 

“Why? You paid a lot for the suit, it was a lot, I think,” he said.

 

“I’ve stolen 5 million dollar gems before, the suit was just a drop in the bucket,” Selina said. “I wouldn't hurt you for staining a shirt.”

 

Toby looked at her, perplexed. He didn't know what to say so he just followed her out of the gala. On the way out she flashed a smile at the man she had been talking to before.

 

When they got home Toby and Selina changed out of their clothes and Toby was petting one of her cats.

 

“Do you trust me not to hurt you, Toby?” Selina asked.

 

Toby paused before shaking his head.

 

“Do you trust Jason?”

 

Toby didn't answer, but he just looked down. He didn't trust Jason.

 

“Is there anyone you trust?”

 

“I don't know,” Toby said.

  
Selina remembered when she was a kid and she'd been the same. Abuse took your ability to trust someone away from you. Healing was hard and it took a while, but she'd done it. Eiko, Bruce, Harley, and Ivy, she trusted them, often even with her life. She had come so far and she hoped that Toby could too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all do me a solid and comment, your opinions help me get chapters up so quickly.


	3. You Better Trust That Voice In Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Up 2 U by Walk the Moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for discussion of abuse and mention of pedophillia.

Toby carefully monitored what was going on in Gotham at all times. When Jason returned to Gotham he knew. The Red Hood was back and he was taking out mobsters, he was going after another target this time too. More than he had before, he was going after pedophiles. 

 

* * *

 

Toby watched it for a month, saying nothing to Jason. He wasn't Jason, he was better, he was smarter and he didn't want to just be like any of Batman’s failed kids. Jason was just repeating what Bruce had done for him, take away the context and Toby meant nothing to him. He was sure that Jason would have never taken him in otherwise.

Selina had been working with him, she said that to be a vigilante he had to learn trust. He needed to know how to rely on someone else and not view that as a weakness. Toby didn't know what that meant, he didn't rely on anyone.

 

* * *

  

The longest Toby had ever run away for, before Jason. was 6 weeks. His father and stepmother were out on a date and he'd packed his bags, stuffing $100 he’d stolen into the bag with shirts, pants, and his stuffed animal. He put on his mother’s necklace on, from the box under his bed.

A couple months back he'd run away and a few of his friends had told him about an office building, under the protection of the Red Hood, where kids could stay. Runaways in particular and it was safe, no one would hurt you if you stayed under the protection of the Red Hood.

He never met the Red Hood, but he knew the graffitied red bat on the side of the building kept people away. Kids in the building didn't have to worry about what would happen if they fell asleep. It was as close to a home as they could get.

Toby was smart enough that he never got caught doing anything wrong. In the day he'd go to the park with the other kids and he'd sit next to a girl named Leelah who drew pictures for money. She was transgender and her family had kicked her out for it. Leelah would take care of Toby and gave him his first real haircut. Her hair was more coily than Toby’s curls, but the cut came out well enough.

She protected Toby until he got caught by a policeman in mid day. They took him home and there Toby learned his stepmother was pregnant. He never saw Leelah after that and his stepmother scoffed about his short hair, the same way she scoffed about how curly and thick it was. The same way she scoffed at his bushy eyebrows and his big nose. Every part of him that didn't read good white christian girl should be scoffed at, treated with a hair iron, wax, and a razor.

Toby tried to find Leelah a couple times after he was back, but he never quite could. The cops had cleared out the office building and she wasn't at the park anymore. Toby didn't know how to find her so eventually he just gave up. He grew out his hair and resigned himself to unhappiness.

 

* * *

 

Selina made good breakfast, every morning she would make eggs and sausage and over breakfast she would talk with Toby about training. Before school she would train Toby and when he got home she would continue. Everyday Toby was learning more and he was feeling more confident. Selina had taught him how to use different techniques to his advantage. She taught him how to fall safely, rolling and not fighting the impact.

“I'm going out tonight,” Selina said, she was putting on her suit. It reminded Toby more of workout clothes than something supervillains wore. It was a simple hoodie and loose sweatpants, with lots of pockets. A hood had cat ears on it and goggles went over her eyes.

“Where are you hitting?” Toby asked.

“The Drakes. They have some artifacts,” Selina said, she swung on her backpack. “Stay here. I'll be back in a couple hours.”

Toby nodded and returned to feeding the cats. One of the younger cats jumped up onto his back and rubbed their head on his back.

“Bye,” Selina said and she crawled out the window.

Toby waited a half hour, gave all the cats a little attention before heading out the window with his backpack. He had a knife tucked into the pocket of his sweatshirt. He’d tracked down where Jason was holed up and he wanted to talk.

Jason was on the other side of the city, back when Toby had helped with patrols he knew all of Jason’s hideouts. Jason hadn't changed any of them, besides abandoning the warehouse. The apartment building was still in use. Jason would probably be there, it was one of the few hideouts with running water.

Toby took his bike about half way and jumped from building to building for the rest. Toby looked in the only apartment with the lights on and into where Jason was. He opened the window. The apartment was different than the warehouse, it didn't read home so much as “crash pad with guns.” Lots of guns, they lined the walls and there was a couple large boxes of ammo on the kitchen counter. A bottle of water was placed on the floor.

“Jason, it’s me,” Toby said.

“Toby? What are you doing here?” Jason asked. Toby noticed that he'd stopped dying his hair and the white streak was back.

“I, um, I want to apologize. I didn't trust you so I didn't think you had my best interests at heart, everyone says I'm so much like you and I hated that,” Toby said.

“Toby, it's okay. I was the same and I didn't know how to be better for you,” Jason said.

“I want to come back. I want to help you, as a vigilante. Um, can I?” Toby asked.

“Yeah. You can, I want to make sure that you're ready, okay?” Jason asked.

“Okay, I can do that. Are you still with Luke?” Toby asked.

“Yeah, he misses you too. I'll talk with Selina about everything,” Jason said.

Toby moved forward and wrapped his arms around Jason. For a couple seconds Jason froze, before he melted into the hug and wrapped Toby up.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t trust you,” Toby said.

“It’s okay, I never really trusted Bruce as Jason either. Trusting him as Robin was in the to description, but as Jason? It was hard,” Jason said.

Toby nodded against Jason’s chest. This was what home felt like.

 

* * *

 

3 months later…

 

* * *

 

Toby volunteered at the LGBT Youth Center Selina ran. He often kept an eye on them at night on patrols, just enough that if something happened he could help. He liked it, helping out was somehow easier than he’d thought. He’d made friends with some of the kids his age, particularly a girl named Alysia. She had short black hair and dark brown eyes.

He helped out in the art room the most, Jason had bought a crate of art supplies and Toby was going to be able to bring it in. It was full of sketch books and markers and colored pencils. When he walked in a woman was organizing the paints. Her name tag read, “Leelah”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please... I'm a starving gay artist.


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I said it was done, but I wrote this scene so... Y'all are gonna enjoy this.

Toby paused, he was about to drop the box in his arms, Leelah was alive. He could tell her eyes were the same dark brown and even though her hair was dyed a different color he knew it was her.

“Oh hey, you have that box I've been waiting an hour for it, I cannot wait to see what's in there,” Leelah said.

“Leelah?” Toby asked, his voice sounded wet, like when you're about to cry and you're trying to damn hard not to.

“Yeah? Do I know you?” she asked. Toby had to remind himself he looked different now, he wasn't 12 anymore and his hair was bright red.

“Um, it's me. Toby,” Toby said. The box had hidden his name tag.

“Oh god, oh god,” Leelah repeated it again and again, her hands were clasped in front of her face.

“I'm sorry, I tried to find you…” Toby trailed off, he didn't know if his explanation was good enough because Leelah had done so fucking much for him and he couldn't say the same.

“It's okay. Hey, it really is, if you start crying then I'll start crying. Can I hug you?” Leelah asked, Toby bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from crying, but eventually tears spilled over.

Toby nodded and buried himself in her chest, she still felt like home even years later. She was taller than him still, but Toby felt almost giddy to be able to hug her, it was the best feeling ever.

“I'm so glad you're alive,” Toby said.

“Did… did you think I was dead?” she asked, she was crying a little bit.

“I couldn't find you,” Toby said.

“It'd take a lot to kill me, let's be honest,” Leelah was smiling despite the tears making their way down her cheeks.

Toby nodded.

“Hey, Toby! You forgot a box in the car!” Jason’s voice cut through the room.

“Jason Todd? I thought you were dead. You got adopted by Bruce Wayne and then you died,” Leelah said. She had a look on her face that almost demanded an explanation.

“Ummm… It's a long story?” Jason said, placing down the box and his body language changed, becoming more shy and reserved.

“How do you know a dead guy?” Leelah asked, she crossed her arms and looked towards Toby.

“He sorta… adopted me?” Toby said.

Leelah moved to hug Jason and for a couple moments the stress that seemed to permeate through Jason's body melted away. He held on tight and for a few moments Leelah and Jason just stood together.

“After this, you're going to explain to me what happened. Both of you,” Leelah said when the hug broke. She looked vulnerable in a way Toby could not remember, she had taken care of Toby so much that he'd viewed her as almost Superman-like, incapable of being hurt.

“Okay, we can do that,” Jason said.


End file.
